No thanks, I don't smoke

I like to smoke. Cigarettes. I smoked two packs a day for 42 years. Maybe 43.

I'd tried to quit several times. It's very hard.

I finally just decided I didn't want to do it anymore. It's not the cost. Cigarettes don't cost as much as you think. It's not in the interests of good health. C'mon, cigarettes have been called "cancer sticks" since before I was born. You really think I don't know they're not good for you? Show me all the pictures of icky smoker's lungs you want, people that don't smoke, and never did, don't understand the addict's mentality. My dad died of lung cancer. It's not pretty. And watching him go didn't make me quit either.

Oh I've been harassed by loved ones. Given the "look" by colleagues. You forget the spirit of rebellion help get me started? The more society at large wants me to stop the more I want to do it.

And you forget too that back in the day we smoked everywhere. Even high school. When I was in high school we smoked in school. I don't mean in the bathrooms. I mean in the hallways and courtyards. So it really isn't just big tobacco. It was society allowed me to become an addict, but that's an essay in itself. But there's a line of logic that says it's your fault too. And you can look at me like I'm poisoning you every time I light up. Truth is I don't care.

And it's hard to let go of what.. I think anyway, is the last remnant of my reckless youth.

But it's an awful habit and the best way to not do it is to not start.

A week ago yesterday, Sunday, July the 11th, was a milestone of sorts. It was the first day I didn't know, right off the top of my head, how long it had been since I smoked my last cigarette. I had to stop and think about it.

For the record, I smoked my last cigarette 80 days ago today.

And I stopped because I just didn't want to do it any more.

And interestingly enough, I would love to smoke a butt. And if I thought I could smoke a butt and just put them down for another 80 days I'd do it. And at the same time I don't want to do it. There's nothing rational about it.

I know if I have just one puff, I'm going to sit down and I'm going to smoke a pack. I'm going to sit there and light one right off the other until they're gone. And then I'll go get some more.

So I'm not gonna do it. No sir.