Confronting Anxiety

Fear and anxiety. Sometime or other it's part of every rider's experience.

Aw c'mon. This doesn't look so scary.
I've seen people beaten by their frightening experiences with horses. I find that sad but I try not to criticize and judge. Hanging out with horses can be a dangerous pastime. I've been stepped on. Run over. Bitten. Kicked. I've fallen off my horse more times than I can count. There's all that. And then there's the fear of "screwing it up". It's not for everybody.

I was using that pile of pallets there as an improvised mounting block. In the rain. Safety First, as we say around the barn. At least I had the good sense to kick aside the boards with the nails in them. No sooner had I swung my leg up and hopped, L...stepped aside. Leaving me in mid air with nothing between me and the ground but that pile of pallets. Into which I landed in a heap. I was *really* pissed. Making matters worse the autofocus on my Nikon D40 failed. I'm sure those would have been just about the best pictures ever.

I settled it at the time of course. I was on board and felt sure she wouldn't do that again. We went off and had a pleasant ride.

Well. No. I didn't settle it.

I found I felt some anxiety over the prospect of using that pile of pallets as my mounting block. It really did hurt like hell. I'm too old to be landing in a heap in a pile of pallets. Actually, I was dreading the thought of mounting from that pile of pallets.

On the one hand, I could just say using a wobbly pile of pallets as a mounting block is just plain stupid and dangerous and not do it again. But as a matter of principle, I should be able to set L up just about anywhere and expect her to quietly park it. On the trail I use worse things than piles of pallets for mounting blocks.

Remember too, I fall asleep on this horse. I won't have anxiety and fear be part of our experience. Everything is right with my world when I'm on my horse and I try my best to make it a good experience for her too.

We did some ground work exercises for 10 minutes or so just to get her to focus and to be sure she knew what I expected. Then I set her up at the pallets. I stepped on to the pallets and, at the last minute, decided landing with my seat was probably not a good idea. Hopping and landing with my hips along her back would be more stable if things didn't go as planned. Good Idea. Because no sooner had I hopped, she stepped aside. I was shocked!

I backed her up. I spun her around. We turned back and spun some more. She was all kinds of "Sir Yes Sir!" when I brought her back to the pallets. Where she did it. Again. But...well...not quite. The gesture didn't have that... "dominant I'm messing with you" quality.

She wasn't really messing with me. This whole unpleasant business had left her anxious and fearful as well. I felt pretty awful about not seeing that. And I wasn't going to fix this until I got her to stand still.

I turned the whole thing in to a ground tying exercise. I ground tied her at the pallets and just poked around. I walked some circles around her. I walked half the length of the barn. I went in the barn. Came back out. Hopped up and down beside her.

I stepped on the pallets. I stepped off the pallets. I did that again. And again. Until she barely noticed. I climbed on one end and hopped off the other and then back again. I stopped at her hips and hopped up and down. I stopped at her shoulder and hopped up and down. I rocked the pile back and forth. I leaned on her. I leaned on her barrel, I leaned on her back. I "slipped" along side her.

Then I hopped up on her back. And. She didn't move. She barely noticed. I hopped off. I hopped on. I hopped off. I hopped on, scooted around, planted my butt and gathered her reins. Mission Accomplished. Sometimes I "get it".

Sometimes little things can be huge.

Let the training begin

January 2004Go back to who picked whom, part 2.

L was two and a half when I brought her home. She was halter broke and that was about it. I had spent the afternoon with her at Ferme Litjens and she wouldn't let me close enough to touch her and she had no idea what an apple or a carrot was, so treats weren't going to help build our friendship. I figured we'd just sort that all out later.

After giving her a few days to settle in and get acquainted (it didn't take her long to learn about carrots!), we did some leading and decided to see if she'd cross tie.

Nope. That wasn't a good idea. Oh she cross tied just fine but as I was going to learn - trust was going to be a huge issue. At the slightest provocation she just broke the cross ties. Nothing to it. Next day I decided I'd just tie her lead rope off to a post and groom her.  Nope. Broke the snap right off the lead rope.

Truth is L was quite the handful and I was going to learn a lot. It's the main reason I decided to blog. To share training stories. I have tons of training stories. Being with L is the most comfortable, secure and satisfying place in my world. People see us now and they have no idea how much work it took to get here.

You know how you might drop a brush while you're grooming your horse? Well. I'd drop a brush and she break the cross ties and go out the other end of the barn backwards. I was going to spend a lot of money on cross ties.

This was winter 2003/2004 and just about every single night for *months* I threw brushes around the barn. I dropped halters. I made obstacle courses with feed bags and bedding bags. I dropped jackets and blankets. I kicked milk crates over. No you can't desensitize your horse to everything. But hopefully somewhere in this organized chaos she'd get the message.

L is very smart and attentive. Part of the challenge is the simple fact she does not miss a thing. That's part of the alpha thing. And she is extreme alpha. Hey that's a good name for a blog! There was a time she'd get all woofy over just a bucket in the wrong place. It's very funny now. But it wasn't very funny then.

There was a time when I was so scared of L I could barely put on her bridle because of the way my hands would shake. I'd break out in a sweat just thinking about saddling up. She was a scary horse when she was younger. She was bold and dominant and she can still throw quite unforgettable tantrums. For a long time I thought I'd just never get it.

Edit 8 January 2011: Tying troubles